Sandra

Sandra was working at a charity in the criminal justice sector when she learned about an exciting new leadership programme called ​‘ELEVATE CJS’ for people directly impacted by the criminal justice system.  

Spark Inside are proud partners of ELEVATE CJS, providing life coaching to the emerging leaders to complement the other opportunities they have including residentials, clinical supervision, workshops, skills training and research projects. The programme is run by the Criminal Justice Alliance and has a broad definition of lived experience including people who had been in prison or have convictions, people who have been victims of crime or who have family members in prison – as long as they were working in the sector and wanted to improve the justice system in some way.  

Sandra described her feelings on seeing this opportunity:  

“I was two years into my career, and I’ve got this urge to do a bit more, to be a leader. I wondered, ​‘what is it like to be a leader?’ I’m always somebody that’s kind of been in the background, if I’m being very honest, and I shied away.”

Sandra attended the taster day and was ​‘absolutely blown away’. She describes a PhotoVoice activity she took part in, where she had to take two photographs – one representing where she was now and one representing where she wanted to be in the future. Her first photograph was a set of stairs showing the start of her leadership journey, and the second was of a lectern on stage, highlighting her desire to be a public speaker. She found it a powerful exercise in ​‘visionary manifesting.’  

She applied and was invited to an interview. Sandra describes approaching the interview in a very formal way initially, talking mostly about her professional experiences. Then one of the interviewers, a member of the ELEVATE CJS advisory group who had lived experience, said to her ​‘now can you tell me about Sandra?’: 

“It was like, wow, there’s something there that they’re seeing, but I’m not seeing. It broke the ice, because then I did start to be authentic. I was Sandra, speaking about me and my journey, and I feel that that’s probably where I came out and came alive. That was such a powerful moment.”

Sandra was successful in gaining a place but describes her nervousness before attending the first meet up, not knowing if she would fit in, especially as somebody who has experienced mental health challenges and imposter syndrome. However, she felt welcome and valued the ​‘powerful’ and ​‘safe’ spaces with professionally trained facilitators and therapeutic support to do ​‘the inner work’ on finding ​‘the leader within’: 

“There were a lot of vulnerable moments and opportunities to share our emotions. And it was such a power. You just don’t know how much you’re carrying until you get an opportunity where you can release it. So that was really, really pivotal for me.”

Another ​‘safe space’ was with her Spark Inside coach. Sandra admits, prior to coming into contact with Spark Inside, that she had a ​‘real negative attitude’ about life coaching. However, the Hero’s Journey group workshop with other ELEVATE CJS leaders, started to change her perception through two ​‘lightbulb moments’. The first was when they asked her who her superhero was? Initially, her negativity resulted in her dismissing the question: 

“I was like, ​‘superhero?! I ain’t got no superhero!’ I was so negative about it.”

However, when pressed, she chose Oprah Winfrey. Then at the end, they reveal that the person you choose, is the person you have similar personality traits to. This shook Sandra when she realised that, like Oprah, she was passionate about telling her story and sharing it openly with others. Seeing herself like her hero Oprah, shifted something in Sandra’s thinking about herself. 

The second light bulb moment was the ​‘possiping’ exercise (positive gossiping). Sandra admits that with her mental health struggles, she could feel quite negative about herself and struggles with people complimenting her. She recalls wanting to hide away, and even putting her coat over her head when people were talking positively about her, but it was a turning point for her: 

“These are people that didn’t know me, yet they have built up a picture of me and are now telling me positive stuff about me to my face. I couldn’t even run anywhere! But afterward, the feeling, the takeaways, wow. It was such a powerful exercise and I still hold it close to my heart.”

Despite Sandra’s scepticism about life coaching, she was matched for one-to-one sessions with one of Spark Inside’s coaches, Michael, and describes it as ​‘absolutely life-changing’ as he empathised with her journey:  

“I think before, when I’ve been sharing my journey, people don’t really understand it and don’t get it, but there were a lot of questions that he asked about me, as an individual. He could see the lack of confidence, he could see there’d been trauma, he could see there have been some mental health challenges. And the questioning around ​‘who am I?’ I’ve never had that before.”

Building that trust in the first session was important, given Sandra’s ​‘anti-life coaching’ opinion. However, she describes how he built rapport by being encouraging and motivating: 

“He was kind of allowing me, guiding me. The subtle guidance was powerful. It had a massive impact. And I think that’s where the change happened, where I allowed Michael in.”

Key to that trust building, Sandra’s emphasises, was the cultural element: 

“I​’m just being real, I think there was also a cultural element there, a cultural understanding. I shared with him about looking after elderly parents and how hard that is and losing my sister and as a Black woman all the challenges that we face. I’m always in the background and wanting to put myself forward. There was that understanding there.”

Sandra describes how she started to write down the ​‘little gems’ she got from their coaching sessions. And having Michael as ​‘someone accountable by your side’ was what she needed to start applying them in her life. A pivotal moment however, came when Michael reflected back to her that she was a creative person and challenged her to align more with her creativity, ​‘or else nothing around you is going to work or manifest itself’. It wasn’t initially what Sandra wanted to hear:  

“Honestly, I took great offence to that. I was like, in my mind, ​‘who do you think you are? How dare you.’ But Michael was absolutely right. And all he said to me was, anything in the creative industry you want to go for, go for it. He said, go back into choirs, reach out to the church and other arts organisations. So, I did.”

Sandra’s first step then led to an impressive and inspiring snowball effect:  

“I got into the praise and worship team. Then I got into a play called Tribe in collaboration with the Young Vic and the Beth Centre. My third encounter was an event Attending an event called Gospelloake After the event, I inquired about singing lessons as the event ignited my passion yet again . . After that I entered the Southwark’s Got Talent competition and I came second! As a result of that, I ended up singing in London’s Got Talent by City Hall, and I came third! I just hold on to Michael saying, ​‘Just align with your creativity.’ And look where it’s taken me! I couldn’t have done it without his impact.”

The coaching complemented the other work Sandra was doing with the ELEVATE CJS programme on leadership development: 

“I realised that to be a leader, there are certain things you must let go of. Michael worked with me around my lack of self-belief, helping get rid of the fear, get rid of the doubt, by challenging me with small steps such as journalling, self-care and going for ten-minute walks in nature. It’s these small little things that have an impact on my leadership skills. It’s impacting how I see myself and learning how I view myself is not how the world views me.”

For Sandra, the coaching has also been a healing journey and enabled her to lower the ​‘mask’ she was wearing and gain confidence to fulfil her ambition of standing by a lectern on a stage and publicly sharing her story.  

“It’s healed me from the inside. I can often wear a mask. I call it ​‘behind the smile’. But deep down inside, there was a lot of stuff happening, but nobody would know. I had stuff around shame, and getting rid of the shame. But once you really get in touch with yourself, you realise how powerful you can be. I’m just so grateful for that.”

The changes didn’t just stop with Sandra though, as she describes the ​‘domino effect’ on her family including her daughter and grandchildren ​‘so there’s a whole positive knock-on effect from grandma downward.’  

For example, Sandra encourages her grandson and tells him he can be a leader. When she recently helped him write his speech to be a school councillor, he ended up being selected as Head Boy! She reflects that:

“I do honestly believe that this is a result of nanny being in that space to help encourage him in his own leadership journey.”

Sandra also recently got some lovely feedback from someone that she managed at work, that on her first day in the job, Sandra’s positive energy and allowing her to speak openly about some personal matters, was so influential on that person.  

“So I think that that is a result of all the skills and stuff that I have learned through the Elevate programme and coaching. Just showing up as my authentic self, showing up as Sandra. I’ve actually been called too positive, but I make no apologies for my positivity because 15 – 20 years ago positivity was nothing that I could even see or even think of. So to bring it forward and I’m here in this positive space. I’m just grateful for it.”

Now she has ambitions to change the criminal justice system and health system so they treat people more holistically and in a trauma-informed way. she would like coaching offered to everyone being released from prison. She believes it would complement the practical support around housing and employment, by providing an opportunity for that crucial, but often forgotten about, ​‘inner work.’ 

“Who are you? Where are you going? How can we guide you? How can we support you? What could you do? How could I hold you accountable for taking action? It’s your inner journey with that life coach and that relationship built in those sessions, as opposed to a bog standard, tick-box approach to resettlement. It can touch on so many different aspects of your life. Everybody needs a trusted accountability partner.”

Sandra describes her desire to share her story through arts and public speaking, as a ​‘calling’. She wants to talk about topics that are considered taboo that people don’t talk about, such as the challenges of mental health, grief, domestic abuse and having loved ones in prison. So, what’s next for her? That lectern is calling!..  

“I wrote down in 2015 that I wanted to speak at the UN about women’s justice and women’s rights. Whilst at university, I won a competition LSBU Freelancer in public speaking and sharing my vision for my community in Grenada for my CIC Still I Rise gnd because I did my dissertation on practitioners’ experiences of domestic abuse in Grenada, that I was able to share with the Prime Minister. Then I went to Antigua and Pennsylvania to share my story. I’ve not done this yet in the UK, so that’s my next step. Then maybe the UN!”

Finally, Sandra has shared some advice to give someone thinking of doing coaching with Spark Inside: 

• Trust the process, don’t put any reservations or barriers up.  
• Give it 100%. Commit to giving it your all, and you’ll see what will happen.  
• Allow yourself to be open to learning and receiving feedback.  
• Be patient – you won’t always see instant results, but over time things will change and it will be worth it. 
• It’s all within you. Sometimes we go out externally looking for answers, but everything you want to do is within yourself.